Posts Tagged ‘Political Correctness’

Read in Tooth and Claw…

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I watched a toad being eaten alive by a snake in the swamps of New Orleans a few years ago.  It was such a forgotten moment, it only came back to me just now – I don’t know why, no reason, it just did.

I was taking a leak in the swamp as my friends walked ahead of me. I couldn’t hold it in any longer, so I made my excuses and asked them to walk on while I stopped to relieve myself. There’s no greater pleasure in life than being busting for a piss and suddenly getting the chance to go, so I let loose the juice and rolled my eyeballs up to the sky in pleasured satisfaction.

Half way though, I looked down to see where my streak of piss was falling and I saw the drama unfolding. Toad half caught in the snake’s mouth, slowly being digested. My streak of piss was hitting the snake on the forehead and he wasn’t best pleased about it, but the toad was looking up at me with hopeful eyes that I was suddenly giving him an unexpected ‘get out clause’.  The whole thing was such a moment of nature that I’d stumbled upon, something that happens a billion times every day, all across the world in all species on our planet – except for humans, because ‘Survival of the Fittest’ – (thank god) doesn’t apply to us for some reason, otherwise I’d be screwed.

So I was watching this kill, trying to aim my piss streak away from  the snake and the toad now I’d become aware of their struggle, not wishing to play God to either.  The snake was gumming down on the toad, no teeth, no instant kill, just a slow and implacable swallow. The toad was screeching out with each gulp of the snake’s jaws each time the pressure hit its stomach, a high-pitched and involuntary squeak like one of those rubber toys a dog bites.

I continued to relieve myself against the mangrove tree, breathing in the evening air heavy with scent. Should I have stopped this secret murder? I had the power to play God and fix the odds in this unseen moment. But I reminded myself that either way I’d have been interfering with nature’s order. I’m not sure who I even wanted to win anyway. So I zipped up my pants and walked on, the sound of the toad’s gurgling matched to the guzzling gulps of the snake getting ever softer, echoing against the tree bark.

At the limit of my hearing as I reached my friends I heard what sounded like a snake coughing.  Maybe it had worked out for the toad after all?

Who knows? I never read the result in the papers…



BADTHINK: “The Principles of PC NewSpeak.”


 This has to be a delicate post, a post so well written and subtle that it tickles your brain cells softer than a baby eaglet’s under arm hair. If I get it wrong then I will become guilty of the very thing I’m trying to explain. More guilty than the scumbag ignorenti and high-handed cognoscenti I’m trying to write about. I’m not sure I’m up to the challenge frankly, so I’ll let you judge.

Right now in London in the 21st Century there is nothing worse than being a paedophile. It is a safe news item – a story guaranteed to unite the left and right, the rich and poor, the emotionally intelligent and thick under a banner of ‘WE DO NOT LIKE THIS!” … and quite rightly so. It makes readers/viewers feel comfortable because they can define themselves by what they DO NOT LIKE. A line in the sand. Safety. Societal safety. But have you noticed how it is now almost impossible to have conversations about more marginal, grey area issues without having the debate shut down. I’m not talking about Davos Economic Forum, or Child benefit being withdrawn from those earning over £50k, I’m not even talking about sensitive issues like people on the dole, or on disability allowance, or those who have contributed nothing to society expecting and demanding society pay them £ 80k a year on housing benefit. All this seems up for debate. I myself am taking the piss on many levels of society right now – always taking more than I put back. But no, what I’m talking about specifically  is Multiculturalism, Gender Politics, Ethnicity – have you noticed how for intelligent people, cultured people, these topics are now off limits for debate and any attempt to engage them will be shut down with comedy or worse – cries of “Racist”, “Sexist”, etc.   Again another way that people can align themselves with the media perceived ‘Cool’, so they can say ‘I do not like this, therefore I must be cool.’

I’ll give you a few basic examples. I live in London: The top news stories in London are about Pakistani men grooming vulnerable white girls, Pakistani men outside East London Mosque patrolling the streets and warning women who are not covered, ‘gays’, people who are drinking to get out the area of Whitechapel as it is now a ‘Muslim Area’. Pakistani men killing their daughters in ‘Honour Killings’ and Female genital mutilation by yes… can you guess..? I’m merely reporting last night’s news. Now any debate about what might be wrong with their interpretation of Islam, or even deeper, male Pakistani culture is immediately shut down with cries of ‘Oooooohhh I’m telling – that’s Isssssslamophobic’ – ‘We must not even discuss this.’ This is Bad Think and the new doctrine of ‘New Speak’ finds this ‘unhelpful and problematic’.

Likewise, there is a massive problem with gun crime and street muggings. I actually put in a freedom of information request to  the Ministry of Justice (yeah too much time on my hands, but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t just acting from my own empirical and anecdotal evidence) 79% of all gun crime and street muggings are committed in London by Black Males. But hell – we can’t talk about that, there isn’t a problem – the problem is you are racist to even mention it. No problem here… move along.

Concerning Gender politics – it is illegal to ask a woman of child-bearing age whether she has/plans to have children or if she does what her childcare arrangements might be. Fair enough – why can’t men share the burden of child-raising equally? Totally. But considering 35% of children live in single mother families in London and due to an inconvenient genetic fact that women must physically give birth to  the children  and take up to six months maternity leave, then (as many of my female friends decided, to not return to work) the cost to small business of employing a woman in her twenties and early thirties is the same as playing roulette with loaded dice. Of course, if a small business interviews people for a new job if that business has any brains they’ll always take the best person – but if the choice between best person is equally qualified man or woman then….

Bah, I can tell I’ve lost you already dear reader – because you are intelligent you’ve been conditioned to shut down already and just consider me an asshole. But look deeper: don’t you see how it’s genuinely frightening that we can’t even debate these issues any more (and hundreds of better examples my brain ain’t grand enough to posit) without the knee jerk reaction of ‘Racist, Sexist, Islamophobic’)

You might say ‘Why do you care, Zealey? Surely you got enough of your own problems?’

Quite so. But as John Donne said – ‘No man is an island’, and so I’m symbiotically linked and interdependent with the society I live in. I care about this society for better or worse and I hate to see the 99% of Pakistani Men, or young black males who are quietly going about their life same as I try to do. But Without being able to have an adult and serious considered debate about what might be true and real, honest and important, it leaves the gate wide open for genuine racists and sexists, people who actually hate people for no other reason than there fearful prejudice. Such nuanced discussions are no longer acceptable without being shut down by your dinner party host blocking your mouth up with wilted asparagus.

Fancy discussing these topics in a considered and qualified manner on mainstream media…?


Thoughts welcome…

(Or just shut me down with ‘this is an unhelpful conversation, we shouldn’t even be having You are guilty of Bad Think, remember the Olympics , ‘Celebrate’ or die…’ 😉

Hope you understand where I’m coming from, if not, then I’m off to drink another bottle of Victory V gin without your company….